Practicing Abundance

I recently revisited the story of Ammon in the Book of Mormon. (For an abbreviated version of this story watch the video above or click here ) and something caught my attention in a new way.  In chapter 18, verse 10: 10  Now when king Lamoni heard that Ammon was preparing his horses and his  chariots  he was more astonished, because of the faithfulness of Ammon, saying: Surely there has not been any servant among all my servants that has been so faithful as this man; for even he doth remember all my commandments to execute them.   Lamoni didn't even know about God at this point, and his use of the word "faithful" surprised me for a moment. I usually (almost exclusively) hear about faithfulness in a religious sense of "having faith in God", which I currently understand as basically trusing in Him and in His plan and words (which involves knowing Him as He is (not as I think He is or imagine Him to be or want Him to be) so as not to have misplaced faith... another...

I was recently listening to a BYU devotional in which the speaker reminded me of a concept she calls "target fixation".  "Have you ever heard of target fixation? It's the phenomenon that explains why we go where we fix our gaze. Target fixation is why skiers, mountain bikers, and motorcyclists sometimes plow directly into the trees, rocks, and other obstacles they try so hard to miss. In each of these instances, target fixation leads to disaster because their eyes are focused somewhere other than their intended destinations. Similarly, in our lives, focusing too much on anything besides the Savior can lead to peril." As I was mowing the lawn later that week, the concept swirled around in my mind and collided with a memory of my dad teaching me that when you mow the lawn, you keep your eyes on the end of the row (where you're going) in order to get a straight line. If you just watch the ground in front of you, you'll end up with a wobbly line.  A single ...

No photo for this one, because as I was getting it, I ruined the moment.  Davis and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home, doing some of our favorite things.  We'd made some popcorn and ate it while gazing out our beautiful bay window. We'd read aloud from our fiction book together after dinner.  As we were reading, Reggie came up and, after circling a few times, snuggled into Davis's lap 😍 It was a good cuddle; the kind that doesn't happen every day, or even every month.  The kind that stills my heart and captures me into a moment.  The moment of watching Davis' strong hands gently massage Reggie's furry belly in just the way he loves it.  Seeing the complete and utter loving trust this cat has in Davis.  It feels like a holy moment. An opening into the tender parts of our hearts as I ponder - those hands would have gently held and comforted our children, had they lived. Those hands have so much love in them.  It is a moment where, despite bei...

Last night we went to Katherine Applegate's One and Only Family tour organized by Red Balloon Bookstore. 😍 I've recently discovered Katherine Applegate's books and I just love her style of writing. I listened to most of them during my last few months working at a middle school when I was really struggling with my health and didn't know what was going on. So when I heard she was going to be in town I had to go! She is a lovely person and does a fabulous presentation. I loved hearing from her and was mostly successful in ignoring how woozy I felt during the presentation.  Standing in line to meet her I tried not to think about how weird my knees felt, and that my legs were starting to shaky. My mind immediately jumps to the worst conclusions when something is off with my body.  I reflected on my week. I have had a nagging sense of overtired fatigue, but brushed it off in favor of doing what I wanted to do.  Actually it has been several weeks that I've been letting my...

There was a beautiful talk in the Saturday evening session of General Conference. The man shared powerful stories of using the priesthood power of God to bless his family - raising two members of his immediate family from death on two separate occasions.  I went to bed early that night. I've been extra tired lately.  Or was it hearing that story again that moved me to tune out of the conference early?  I believe in the priesthood power of God. I am happy for those who see their loved ones' lives preserved and are spared the pain of grief for a time.  I also know that I am not one of those people.  My children's lives were not preserved.  I was not spared the pain of child loss.  And it doesn't mean I am any less, less beloved, or lacking in faith.  Sometimes I hear of miraculous recoveries and wonder - did I really do all I could? Was there a question I could have asked, or a request I could have made?  My brain fills with some form of disson...

Diamond, by Strive to Be, Nik Day "You are, you are a diamond So bright, treasured and priceless A timeless work of art We see the gleam in side your heart When you feel under pressure It's just making you stronger Remember you were born for this You are a diamond" This song was playing while I was stretching this morning and the Spirit nudged my heart to write. The concept of this song is not new to me - I've been a fan of Hawk Nelson's song "Diamonds" for years. But something about this one, this morning, brought the Spirit to my heart and illuminated some of my path.  The result after pressure is designed to be a priceless thing of purity and beauty.  When hard things happen - when we are scarred by trauma or death, haunted by fear, or feel trapped and unable to proceed or to live out our desires - that's certainly not what I think of first. In these moments, the thought that "this is making you stronger!" can feel way to preppy and insu...

  I committed to writing courageously here, to not hiding the good or the bad. And then I disappeared for over a month. It's been a little turbulent over here, I admit.  But somehow, it's also been fascinating.  Let me explain.  In the past, since Daniel died anyway, winter has been very painful. I don't know why holidays are so painful. There are many reasons I've thought of, but I also have the feeling that there are many more reasons I haven't thought of yet.  But this year has felt different. It's still painful, perhaps even more so than before, but there has been less emotional 'drama'. We did not travel for Christmas, and we didn't agonize about it until the last minute like usual. We just decided we wouldn't and left it at that. Sweet relief! I dread the process of trying to figure out Christmas plans. It's not that I don't want to see family - it's just complicated.  Another new thing this year was that I woke up the day befor...

  I have been hearing about this verse a lot lately.  It is the youth theme for youth of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the year 2023.  It is part of our study of the New Testament this year.  And it fascinates me with its layers. For such a short verse it has caused me a good deal of consternation. If I can do all things, why can't I get good grades on my homework? Or, why can't I keep the house clean?! Get to appointments on time? Never say snarky things??  Something must be wrong with me .  Not so.  I heard in a conversation recently that "it says you can do all things, but you can't do everything".  *lightbulb* Ahhhhh. That feels better. I had really wondered over the years why we would be told we could do everything when clearly I wasn't the only human feeling like I could barely get through the day sometimes.  Then, I was reading the book of Phillippians as part of my study of the New Testament this year.  I sa...

  There was bad news about the car. Again.  Really? As I heard the news I felt the competing emotions arising in my heart. One part was despaired and angry that things just couldn't work out; the other saw the situation as it was, and calmly chose to trust that all would work out.  For possibly the first time, I was observing and noticing the diverging path in front of me, rather than reacting to an event faster than I could think about it.  I had heard a discussion recently where a group of people were discussing this concept - something happens and you feel like you are flipping between opposing emotions or responses - like exhilaration and terror.  I had always thought that this vacillation was just how it was, and I would just be caught between the two until the situation was resolved. But these people said no - that is your moment of choice . You get to choose between exhilaration and terror. You can choose between faith and fear.  Right then, when you...

  $50 I earned babysitting just days after setting my goal to earn $100 in the month of September You may have heard - I have been building a private speech-language therapy practice. It's been a long, sometimes beautiful, sometimes exhilarating, sometimes incredibly frustrating ride so far and it's far from over.  I took the first few months away from my school job to really focus on letting my mind and body recover. It had been a painful, hard year as lupus, allergies, overwhelm and unacknowledged grief surged like the proverbial beach ball of emotions after being held underwater for too long. I was exhausted.  I also recognized how incredibly, exquisitely blessed I was (am) to be in a position to leave my job without intense financial repercussions. As I started to feel like I had found a daily rhythm and care routine that helped my body be well, I also started to feel enormous pressure to "make money" (I do realize this was all from the stories in my head. But it ...