seeing diamonds

Diamond, by Strive to Be, Nik Day

"You are, you are a diamond

So bright, treasured and priceless

A timeless work of art

We see the gleam in side your heart

When you feel under pressure

It's just making you stronger

Remember you were born for this

You are a diamond"

This song was playing while I was stretching this morning and the Spirit nudged my heart to write. The concept of this song is not new to me - I've been a fan of Hawk Nelson's song "Diamonds" for years. But something about this one, this morning, brought the Spirit to my heart and illuminated some of my path. 

The result after pressure is designed to be a priceless thing of purity and beauty. 

When hard things happen - when we are scarred by trauma or death, haunted by fear, or feel trapped and unable to proceed or to live out our desires - that's certainly not what I think of first. In these moments, the thought that "this is making you stronger!" can feel way to preppy and insulting to the pain and discomfort we are experiencing. 

If we aren't ready for it. If our pain still has a story to live out. If we are holding so tightly to the hurt that there is no room for the light to come in. For me there has been an experience of knowing inside when I am ready to hear a new story, when I am ready for a change. Sometimes, as humans, I think we need to allow our pain and feelings to be real. The trick is not holding so tightly to them that there is never room for anything else. 

I have been in a phase of deep re-grieving, and allowing all the feelings I supressed and hid and ignored for years make themselves known and heard. The process has required time and space and guidance from the Spirit, books, friends, and my grief and trauma counselor. I have begun to feel less fractured and re-discover parts of myself, like playfulness, that had not been allowed to revive because I was holding so tightly to the pain, or holding on to ignoring it, or holding to the grief storyline.

But when my heart was ready for a new story, when I began to feel that there was something good missing, the Lord was right there with new teachings for me. 

Like this morning. 

When a rock becomes a diamond, some parts of it fall away. Other parts transform, and the elements that were there before no longer exist in the same way. Sometimes parts of us die and fall away. It can feel scary. It hurts. It's okay to cry. Acknowledge it. It's also totally okay that it happened. 

We are becoming. That means changing. What the Spirit taught me this morning is that we can choose to look back down our path at all the pain we've been through, and we can also choose to look forward with hope and faith in our Creator, that He has something marvelous in store for us. 

Choosing to see the positive changes in myself felt weird at first (actually it was impossible and repulsive first, weird later) - how could anything positive come from my children dying?!  

It still feels odd. But it is starting to feel more true as well. I've been fascinated by the concept of "proving contraries" (also see here) or paradoxes lately and this feels like one of them. 

No - traumatic and premature death are not good things. 

But "we know that all things work together for good to them that love God" and maybe faith means trusting that no matter what comes our way, the Lord can teach us something good with it. Because He is good and all that is good comes from Him. Even when good doesn't look good to us at first, like when scriptural prophets are asked to do impossibly hard things. He designed this whole wild ride called mortal life. 

I am re-learning to re-trust that He knows what He's doing in sending us here. I am so grateful for a patient Father and for all the teachings and resouces He sends us so that we can find Him. Here. Now. 

So shine on, 

Stay strong

hold strong,

You've got what it takes just keep the faith and

Shine on

Stay strong

Hold on,

Hold on

(Diamond, by Strive to Be, Nik Day)