holy moments

No photo for this one, because as I was getting it, I ruined the moment. 

Davis and I were enjoying a quiet evening at home, doing some of our favorite things. 

We'd made some popcorn and ate it while gazing out our beautiful bay window. We'd read aloud from our fiction book together after dinner. 

As we were reading, Reggie came up and, after circling a few times, snuggled into Davis's lap 😍

It was a good cuddle; the kind that doesn't happen every day, or even every month. 
The kind that stills my heart and captures me into a moment. 

The moment of watching Davis' strong hands gently massage Reggie's furry belly in just the way he loves it. 

Seeing the complete and utter loving trust this cat has in Davis. 

It feels like a holy moment. An opening into the tender parts of our hearts as I ponder - those hands would have gently held and comforted our children, had they lived. Those hands have so much love in them. 

It is a moment where, despite being on opposite sides of the veil of mortality, I feel like we are truly still a family; whole, connected, eternal. 

Why does a cat cuddle bring this about? I don't know. But I am grateful for these moments that ground me and give my heart a glimpse of the promised eternity together as a family. 

To be clear, I am not on board with the apparent trend that pets are equivalent to children. I've heard of this recently on the Internet, and I deeply disagree. Not judging personal family decisions (goodness knows I've learned to never judge a family by its visible shape or size), but the concept that a dog or a cat can be referred to as one's literal child feels disturbing to me. 

Reggie is a cat. Caspian is a cat. I am a human. We are different species. They are beloved household members and gifts from God to teach us and to bring joy and simple love into our days, and they are not my children. 

I cherish these quiet home nights; they fuel my soul in a way not much else can. 

In the quiet, my heart has room to feel, and tonight it feels like my children are not so very far away. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

"you're grieving"

Image
  my photo from the Minnesota Arboretum The past few weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. Twice, I have described to my therapist what I am experiencing, and she has nodded compassionately and said, "you're grieving" Huh?  I thought I was struggling with a mental health issue, running old unhealthy thought patterns, or possibly going crazy, and she says I'm grieving?  At the same time my mind paused to question and examine that idea, my heart resonated deeply with it and I wondered simultaneously how this could possibly be grieving and why I hadn't seen it before.  It baffles me how grief shows up so unexpectedly. When I was younger, I thought grief had to always be sad feelings around the one we lost, or around children in general. Even though I have learned more and more about grief, and specifically my grief, it still shows up in ways that I don't expect.  I am so grateful for God leading me to my therapist. She is truly a life-changing, heart-rescui...
Read more

Grief Time

Image
  I committed to writing courageously here, to not hiding the good or the bad. And then I disappeared for over a month. It's been a little turbulent over here, I admit.  But somehow, it's also been fascinating.  Let me explain.  In the past, since Daniel died anyway, winter has been very painful. I don't know why holidays are so painful. There are many reasons I've thought of, but I also have the feeling that there are many more reasons I haven't thought of yet.  But this year has felt different. It's still painful, perhaps even more so than before, but there has been less emotional 'drama'. We did not travel for Christmas, and we didn't agonize about it until the last minute like usual. We just decided we wouldn't and left it at that. Sweet relief! I dread the process of trying to figure out Christmas plans. It's not that I don't want to see family - it's just complicated.  Another new thing this year was that I woke up the day befor...
Read more

Look Unto Christ

Image
Look Unto Christ from Strive to Be I love the music from Strive to Be. The more I listen, the more I feel soft moments of understanding and insight and peace.  This year's theme song is Look Unto Christ. Here's a cool insight I had while it was playing in my head as I was driving (it can only play in my head because my car stereo is not working...) My child development classes in college were some of my very favorites and I learned so many fascinating things. One of them is that when a child is very young, parents are their reference points for how to respond to their envrionment. We call this "social referencing" .  For example - toddler and caregiver are playing in the living room. Toddler is testing out her new ability to run, loses balance, and falls - plop - right on her puffy diaper. Reflexively, she looks to Dad.  Scenario 1: Dad gasps, looks worried, and runs over asking if she's okay, feeling fear in his heart. Likely toddler response: her face also wrin...
Read more