Practicing Abundance

Last night we went to Katherine Applegate's One and Only Family tour organized by Red Balloon Bookstore. 😍 I've recently discovered Katherine Applegate's books and I just love her style of writing. I listened to most of them during my last few months working at a middle school when I was really struggling with my health and didn't know what was going on. So when I heard she was going to be in town I had to go! She is a lovely person and does a fabulous presentation. I loved hearing from her and was mostly successful in ignoring how woozy I felt during the presentation.  Standing in line to meet her I tried not to think about how weird my knees felt, and that my legs were starting to shaky. My mind immediately jumps to the worst conclusions when something is off with my body.  I reflected on my week. I have had a nagging sense of overtired fatigue, but brushed it off in favor of doing what I wanted to do.  Actually it has been several weeks that I've been letting my...

There was a beautiful talk in the Saturday evening session of General Conference. The man shared powerful stories of using the priesthood power of God to bless his family - raising two members of his immediate family from death on two separate occasions.  I went to bed early that night. I've been extra tired lately.  Or was it hearing that story again that moved me to tune out of the conference early?  I believe in the priesthood power of God. I am happy for those who see their loved ones' lives preserved and are spared the pain of grief for a time.  I also know that I am not one of those people.  My children's lives were not preserved.  I was not spared the pain of child loss.  And it doesn't mean I am any less, less beloved, or lacking in faith.  Sometimes I hear of miraculous recoveries and wonder - did I really do all I could? Was there a question I could have asked, or a request I could have made?  My brain fills with some form of disson...

My beautiful, yummy smelling beeswax candle. ❤️ Just got it out yesterday. Today I want to share with you something that my therapist has taught me about helping my body feel safe/calming anxiety.  I've been honestly dreading the end of January. Based on how my body has been "remembering" traumatic events around Daniel's birth, life and death I was afraid of what might come up on his death day (Jan 29).  What happened? Nothing. I was amazingly fine. In fact I had a great week at work that week. Early February, however, I find myself sleeping poorly with bizarre nightmares and extra large panic attacks during the day. Not to mention fatigue and foggy unfocused thoughts. 🤷‍♀️ Delayed response, I suppose.  This is the first year I've approached these dates with any degree of awareness and it's been fascinating (and so good) to allow space for the trauma of Daniel's life as well as his death. It's easy to think of his death and the aftermath ...

Diamond, by Strive to Be, Nik Day "You are, you are a diamond So bright, treasured and priceless A timeless work of art We see the gleam in side your heart When you feel under pressure It's just making you stronger Remember you were born for this You are a diamond" This song was playing while I was stretching this morning and the Spirit nudged my heart to write. The concept of this song is not new to me - I've been a fan of Hawk Nelson's song "Diamonds" for years. But something about this one, this morning, brought the Spirit to my heart and illuminated some of my path.  The result after pressure is designed to be a priceless thing of purity and beauty.  When hard things happen - when we are scarred by trauma or death, haunted by fear, or feel trapped and unable to proceed or to live out our desires - that's certainly not what I think of first. In these moments, the thought that "this is making you stronger!" can feel way to preppy and insu...

  I committed to writing courageously here, to not hiding the good or the bad. And then I disappeared for over a month. It's been a little turbulent over here, I admit.  But somehow, it's also been fascinating.  Let me explain.  In the past, since Daniel died anyway, winter has been very painful. I don't know why holidays are so painful. There are many reasons I've thought of, but I also have the feeling that there are many more reasons I haven't thought of yet.  But this year has felt different. It's still painful, perhaps even more so than before, but there has been less emotional 'drama'. We did not travel for Christmas, and we didn't agonize about it until the last minute like usual. We just decided we wouldn't and left it at that. Sweet relief! I dread the process of trying to figure out Christmas plans. It's not that I don't want to see family - it's just complicated.  Another new thing this year was that I woke up the day befor...

This summer I read a fantastic book called The Upside of Stress: Why Stress is Good For You And How To Get Good At It. It was a life-changing, fascinating read and I learned SO much I will probably read it again soon.  One thing that made a lasting impact on me was the concept that stress could be defined as when a perceived challenge outweighs one's perceived resources.  One: that makes stress largely about perception , not events. Interesting.  Two: if we take Jesus Christ at His word, we definitely have the skills to learn to stress less. Jesus promises that He will be with us, He leaves us His Comforter and Spirit, and gave us multitudes of scriptural stories of followers learning to trust and lean on Him - and succeeding. "I am with you always" , He says.  Jesus Christ is our strength . He is our Resource. Our Reserve. What perceived challenge can outweigh us now?? What earthly power could be stronger than The Creator, Lord, and Savior of our world, not only the...

  I have been hearing about this verse a lot lately.  It is the youth theme for youth of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints for the year 2023.  It is part of our study of the New Testament this year.  And it fascinates me with its layers. For such a short verse it has caused me a good deal of consternation. If I can do all things, why can't I get good grades on my homework? Or, why can't I keep the house clean?! Get to appointments on time? Never say snarky things??  Something must be wrong with me .  Not so.  I heard in a conversation recently that "it says you can do all things, but you can't do everything".  *lightbulb* Ahhhhh. That feels better. I had really wondered over the years why we would be told we could do everything when clearly I wasn't the only human feeling like I could barely get through the day sometimes.  Then, I was reading the book of Phillippians as part of my study of the New Testament this year.  I sa...