havening

My beautiful, yummy smelling beeswax candle. ❤️ Just got it out yesterday.

Today I want to share with you something that my therapist has taught me about helping my body feel safe/calming anxiety. 

I've been honestly dreading the end of January. Based on how my body has been "remembering" traumatic events around Daniel's birth, life and death I was afraid of what might come up on his death day (Jan 29). 

What happened?

Nothing. I was amazingly fine. In fact inshd a great week at work that week.

Early February, however, I find myself sleeping poorly with bizarre nightmares and extra large panic attacks during the day. Not to mention fatigue and foggy unfocused thoughts. 🤷‍♀️ Delayed response, I suppose. 

This is the first year I've approached these dates with any degree of awareness and it's been fascinating (and so good) to allow space for the trauma of Daniel's life as well as his death. It's easy to think of his death and the aftermath of acute grief as traumatic and memorable, but his short life also held quite a bit of trauma for his parents. 

So "havening" is a technique I have been using a lot since learning about it. Basically it's using your own touch to calm your nervous system. 

An easy way to start is with your palm on your opposite shoulder, and, using your whole hand, slowly move your hand down your arm to the very end of your fingertips, or moving alone just the upper arm back and forth elbow to shoulder but slowly.

You can do both arms at the same time once you figure out what feels good to you, and any variation of this long, slow touch that feels good. 

It can also look like long, smooth circles on the top of a thigh while sitting, or slowly rubbing your palms together. I often do the same moments on my legs hip to toe, or just one area - whatever feels safe and "havening" in the moment. 

And as my favorite yoga teacher, Adriene, frequently reminds me, breathe. Pairing these movements with slow breaths really makes it work even better.

I think they key is that the movement is slow. When your system is activated slow movements, especially if paired with long slow breaths, calm the nervous system and inform your body that you are, in fact, safe right now in this moment. 

Happy havening 💚