My beautiful, yummy smelling beeswax candle. ❤️ Just got it out yesterday. Today I want to share with you something that my therapist has taught me about helping my body feel safe/calming anxiety. I've been honestly dreading the end of January. Based on how my body has been "remembering" traumatic events around Daniel's birth, life and death I was afraid of what might come up on his death day (Jan 29). What happened? Nothing. I was amazingly fine. In fact inshd a great week at work that week. Early February, however, I find myself sleeping poorly with bizarre nightmares and extra large panic attacks during the day. Not to mention fatigue and foggy unfocused thoughts. 🤷♀️ Delayed response, I suppose. This is the first year I've approached these dates with any degree of awareness and it's been fascinating (and so good) to allow space for the trauma of Daniel's life as well as his death. It's easy to think of his death and the aftermath ...
Last night we went to Katherine Applegate's One and Only Family tour organized by Red Balloon Bookstore. 😍 I've recently discovered Katherine Applegate's books and I just love her style of writing. I listened to most of them during my last few months working at a middle school when I was really struggling with my health and didn't know what was going on. So when I heard she was going to be in town I had to go! She is a lovely person and does a fabulous presentation. I loved hearing from her and was mostly successful in ignoring how woozy I felt during the presentation. Standing in line to meet her I tried not to think about how weird my knees felt, and that my legs were starting to shaky. My mind immediately jumps to the worst conclusions when something is off with my body. I reflected on my week. I have had a nagging sense of overtired fatigue, but brushed it off in favor of doing what I wanted to do. Actually it has been several weeks that I've been letting my...
There was a beautiful talk in the Saturday evening session of General Conference. The man shared powerful stories of using the priesthood power of God to bless his family - raising two members of his immediate family from death on two separate occasions. I went to bed early that night. I've been extra tired lately. Or was it hearing that story again that moved me to tune out of the conference early? I believe in the priesthood power of God. I am happy for those who see their loved ones' lives preserved and are spared the pain of grief for a time. I also know that I am not one of those people. My children's lives were not preserved. I was not spared the pain of child loss. And it doesn't mean I am any less, less beloved, or lacking in faith. Sometimes I hear of miraculous recoveries and wonder - did I really do all I could? Was there a question I could have asked, or a request I could have made? My brain fills with some form of disson...
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