Here I Am Again



The Deja Vu has been strong this week, and I finally connected the dots. 


Four years ago I was recovering from intense, early grief after Daniel died. I spent a lot of time at home, surrounded by quiet, with my human monkey brain desperately searching for meaning and direction in my life. I knew that nothing would ever be the same again, and it felt so vulnerable. As I continued the search and doggedly held to my faith in the goodness and love of God, He led me to the field of speech-language pathology. I fell in love. 


It was a wild ride and I am forever changed. 


Now, I am spending a lot of time at home, in the quiet, knowing nothing will ever be the same again. It still feels scary. But this time I have more skills, resources, experience and people around me to be grateful for. I'm a little less desperate. A little more curious. My world is shifting again and I don’t know what the future will look like. 


I’m still in the depths of processing my new diagnosis of Lupus. It’s so … off-putting. There are so many questions. So many fears. And I can’t deny the moments along the way that show me that God still knows me. 


Even though I feel lots of hesitation and even doubt sometimes, I am choosing to believe that there is still a good work for me to do and that God will help me find it - if I keep trying to listen and follow. 

Writing this post feels like part of it. 


Here we go again. 




Here I am again, so far away from home

I don't know where I am down on this broken road

I may have lost my way, but I know I'm not alone

'Cause here You are again


Lately, I am always getting in my own way (Own way)

Can You tell me, will my best ever be good enough?

Can You save me from me?


Right when I feel like letting go

I get on my knees and let You know


Here I am again, so far away from home

I don't know where I am down on this broken road

I may have lost my way, but I know I'm not alone

'Cause here You are again


Lately, I keep feeling like it's too late

But it's never gonna be too late for me

You gave Your life so that I could have mine

I will stay by Your side, and I'll look to Your light


Right when I feel like letting go (Mmm, letting go)

I get on my knees and let You know (Mmm, oh)


Here I am again, so far away from home

I don't know where I am down on this broken road

I may have lost my way, but I know I'm not alone

'Cause here You are again


'Cause I mess up, and I know that

I'm learning to control it

I promise I won't give up easily

'Cause I mess up, and I love that

You assure me that I'm worth it

'Cause You promise You won't give up easily, yeah


Here I am again (Oh yeah), so far away from home

I don't know where I am down on this broken road

I may have lost my way (My way), but I know I'm not alone (Alone)

'Cause here You are again


Here I Am Again

Strive to Be; sung by Ysabelle Cuevas

Here I Am Agai

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