Practicing Abundance

Some unedited thoughts about the concept of surrender. I keep wanting food and lifestyle adjustments to be the only answer...I want to take care of this lupus thing myself without worrying about new medications or scary body changes...but I keep coming back to the grounding fact that lupus is real and medications are real. And real helpful. I keep wanting to push back and argue, "No, I can do this myself!".  And I am reminded, "No, dearest, you can't".  It's got me thinking a good deal about our relationship with God, and our embedded need for a Savior. There are SO many times in life I want to say, "No, I can do this myself". I got this.  But the truth is - I "got" nothing. Jesus Christ is the only one with real power here. I am only accountable for my thoughts and actions at any given moment, and I want to choose Him more often. I choose to surrender to His love; His promises; His goodness; His grace. What does that look like? Stay tune...

  Lupus  affects all aspects of life in many ways. It looks a little different for everyone, and a little different across days.  This week, it looks like soaking in the experience of picking strawberries in the (cloudy, cool) morning (with SPF 50, a huge sunhat, and a  long-sleeved sun shirt ) with a good friend. I didn't know fresh strawberries were so delightful 😊 It also looks like spending a lot of time (that same day) on house cleaning and crocheting and crafting because it's SO FUN. And wait 'til you see the sweet panda toy face I made... And then it looks like sore hands, feet, and neck the next day, and the feeling of inflammation in my body starting to take hold. Oops. I guess I overdid it. Time for an at-home work day and definitely show up for yoga . One cool thing about yoga - it almost always does more for me than I expect it to, even alleviating the pain, clearing my mind, and giving me some clarity for the remainder of the day. I am SO grateful for ...

This is a screenshot I took from The Lupus Foundation of America 's website. They have a great portal where you can choose your area of focus for two weeks and they provide excellent information on the aspect of your choosing.  I came across this one in the Stress Management category and it made me think. Their use of the word "joy" caught my attention, partially because President Nelson talks about joy so much. I want to understand.  Anyway, I love this concept of scheduling joy. It's not a skill I have accessible all the time; I tend to think more about what needs to get done than what would bring joy to my day. I think this same tendency has me keeping the doors of my heart closed to a lot of the goodness of life. I struggle to receive goodness. But that's a story for another day.  In the meantime, my goal is to recognize joy-sparking actives and bring them into my day. Like blogging! I also have been playing more music this week and had a chat with...

The Deja Vu has been strong this week, and I finally connected the dots.  Four years ago I was recovering from intense, early grief after Daniel died. I spent a lot of time at home, surrounded by quiet, with my human monkey brain desperately searching for meaning and direction in my life. I knew that nothing would ever be the same again, and it felt so vulnerable. As I continued the search and doggedly held to my faith in the goodness and love of God, He led me to the field of speech-language pathology. I fell in love.  It was a wild ride and I am forever changed.  Now, I am spending a lot of time at home, in the quiet, knowing nothing will ever be the same again. It still feels scary. But this time I have more skills, resources, experience and people around me to be grateful for. I'm a little less desperate. A little more curious. My world is shifting again and I don’t know what the future will look like.  I’m still in the depths of processing my new diagnosis of Lu...